Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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