You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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