Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
