She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
