We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
