i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
