i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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