it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
