There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
