Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
