My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
