Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
