Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was CRYING into my vagina
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
