I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
