Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
