He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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