Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would ride that face into the sunset
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
