Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
