i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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