Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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