You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
