You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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