FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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