I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
