xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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