Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
