PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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