woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
