Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
