just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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