i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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