He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Randomize
