at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
