I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
