Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?