someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.