I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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