he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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