Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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