Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
