..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
