I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
