Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
