I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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