dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
