I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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