id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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