Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
