Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
