textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
