where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
