no, he came in my armpit
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
