Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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