Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
