i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
