Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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