You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
