I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
