omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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