I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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