Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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