a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
