recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
