your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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