you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
