sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
