I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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