I think I died a long time ago.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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