it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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