No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
