I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
