my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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