i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
