next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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