I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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