I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I see more hoeing in ur future
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
